An Inconvenient Truth

An Inconvenient Truth © Stefanie Neumann - All Rights Reserved.

Dieser Beitrag ist auch in deutscher Sprache verfügbar.

Today it does not feel very easy for me to write this blog post. Usually, I like to write encouraging articles that help people to see their strengths and which empower people.

Now, I find myself in a situation where I need some of my own medicine. I take this “medicine”, too. And that probably is the reason why I still set one foot before the other. Yet, I do not feel at all like writing something encouraging.

This is why instead I write about how I feel, currently. And that, frankly, is not very well.

In the beginning of this month I reported on Kokopelli Bee Free Blog on how Kim and I were attempting to go on a challenging path. And now we are on this path. We have been to the job centre and asked for support. We find ourselves in the midst of appointments and documents that follow this step. While Kim seems to cope with this pretty well, it feels not so easy to me. I see myself confronted anew with the situation that there seems to be no place for people like me in society – or if, then in the lowermost mud. Up to now, we met very helpful representatives and I am grateful for that. In the mountains of documents that needed to be filled out it quickly became visible, though, that people like me are not meant to be in this country.

I have many talents and contribute them lovingly to society. Yet, at the employment office nobody knows that because there is neither a job training nor a matching document for it where one can make their little x.”

-Stefanie Neumann

I already helped many people. Some of them felt better through my pure presence. Some of them value my high sensitivity and empathy, others value my clarity and truthfulness. Yet, no official job description exists for this and thus you do not earn money from it.  Nonetheless I am performing my service for society. The unemployment benefits system, however, does not see this kind of contribution to the common good. Instead, people are shoved into more or less pointless remedial measures to keep them out of the unemployment statistics or they are forced into jobs that make them ill. It surely does not look like this for all people.  But for some it does and those simply fall through the net.

(“Schenken Wir Die Schulden Weg!” by Isabella Ostovary | Experiment Selbsversorgung)

I am a strong personality. I am healthy. I am just different. If I try to integrate into the system which is now dictated to me, I get ill, however. I experienced that, before, and even now I notice the first symptoms. I get depressive. I feel confused and worthless. I lose my courage. I forget who I truly am. I become exactly like it is meant to be for people like me so that they finally can be shown their place – preferably in the mental asylum, probably.

I realize these things, yet, I do not know how much strength I can muster to counteract them.

To top it all off I notice judgements even within my own family. They tell me that I have a wrong view on things when I recognize that I cannot go any further and ask for help. They tell me that I am doing it wrong because it gets inconvenient for others to care for me when I need it. I am not saying, that I do not get the requested help.  I  do get it.  And for that I am very grateful.  I also know that those judgements are invitations to stand in for myself and I really do my best. Yet, I begin to doubt if that is enough.

Fortunately, Kim is seeing the situation clearly and is supporting me wherever he can. I am very grateful for that.

Far be it from me to accuse anyone.  I know that everybody is doing the best they can.  So do I.  This post is merely describing the symptoms of a dysfunctional society.  And it makes me sad and angry to see it.

There is a silver lining, though.  We are all part of this society and it is in our power to create one, that gracefully provides a space for all the diversity we find on this earth.

Much love,
Steffi

“Society”
(originally by Jerry Hannan)

It’s a mystery to me
We have a greed with which we have agreed
And you think you have to want more than you need
Until you have it all, you won’t be free
 ♥
Society, you’re a crazy breed
I hope you’re not lonely without me
 ♥
When you want more than you have, you think you need
And when you think more than you want, your thoughts begin to bleed
I think I need to find a bigger place
Cause when you have more than you think, you need more space
 ♥
Society, you’re a crazy breed
I hope you’re not lonely without me
Society, crazy indeed
Hope you’re not lonely without me
 ♥
There’s those thinking more or less, less is more
But if less is more, how you keeping score?
Means for every point you make your level drops
Kinda like you’re startin’ from the top
And you can’t do that
 ♥
Society, you’re a crazy breed
I hope you’re not lonely without me
Society, crazy indeed
I hope you’re not lonely without me
Society, have mercy on me
I hope you’re not angry if I disagree
Society, you’re crazy indeed
I hope you’re not lonely without me
♥♥♥
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3 thoughts on “An Inconvenient Truth

  1. Pingback: When the Shit Is Hitting the Fan | Herzensreise - Heart's Journey

  2. I am so sorry to hear this and I can tell you that you are a very important person and don’t’ you believe what others say. You do have talents and you will find something which is good for you and you enjoy. Believe in yourself. Don’t let society get you down , you are your own person and you do not need to prove to anyone anything. Wishing you all the best! Hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Mensch Ute,

      jetzt hab’ ich ganz schön ‘Pipi in den Augen’…!
      Thank you for your kind and encouraging hugs and words (which feel like hugs, also)! You are right, of course. I know it because I feel it in my heart. It still does good to hear (or in this case: read) it from others, once in a while.
      Sending hugs to you, as well!

      Much love,
      Steffi

      Liked by 1 person

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